In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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