i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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