I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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