i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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