I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
