so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
