She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you had me at cake vodka
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
