mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
