Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
