I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
