Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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