hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I FOUND THE LEGS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
