My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
