Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
