You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
