Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I checked into jail on foursquare
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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