Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
