i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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