It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
