Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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