Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have aggressive nipples.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize