Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
