From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
