Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize