I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
