Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
