Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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