Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
