One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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