True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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