I just made out with a guy for $7.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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