Dude my mom stole all your condoms
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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