I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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