Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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