maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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