Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
