MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
