You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
