There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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