mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
