I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
