3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize