So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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