between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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