I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
