I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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