absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
