Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
