You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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