dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
