well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
