today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
COCAINE IS GR8
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
