I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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