what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
