It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
