We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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