yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
