Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
