i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize