ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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