he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
