This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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