i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
