Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
