girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
