White coat. Heels.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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