she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
