hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
