Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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