I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
