That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nicole vs. Life
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize