I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
