I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize