She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
