Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm really busy with my period
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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