dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
