69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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