I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
