i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
