apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
