Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
too bad you live with your parents still
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
