He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
