3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
