I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm really busy with my period
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