He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
