Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
