do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
