she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize