Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
