the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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