Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
