need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
