Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The air taste purple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
