drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
