Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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