Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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