i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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