it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
