We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
