Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
