i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
