walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
