I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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