I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
