Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
