please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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