She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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