I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
