it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
