i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
